ECTR Elemental Countries Talk Radio!
by ZenoNoKyuubi
Summary: Welcome to ECTR, the station where we'll be interviewing all kind of authors, characters and OCs! In every chapter, we'll also send you a question where we'll pick out the most popular answer! Rated M for possible random Violence and Gore
1. Chapter 1

"Welcome to ECTR, Elemental Countries Talk Radio! I'm your host, the one, the only, ZenoNoKyuubi!" a six foot tall eighteen year old with a shaved head wearing a Konoha jounin outfit said sitting in a dark underground studio. "I'm coming to you live from a secret location I am afraid to reveal due to nine guys in black cloaks with little red clouds on them. Them and the IRS." he said with a grin.

"No, I'm just kidding. Though the thing about the guys in black cloaks were right, due to my status as the jinchuuriki of the ten tailed wolf, Fenrir. During my air time I will have guests here, and I don't mean just people from canon. I'm talking about OCs and authors as well! Now, to show you how it's done, please help me welcome my first guest from my 'bestselling' fic, The Gambler, Uzumaki Naruto!" Zeno said and pushed a button on his desk creating sound that sounded like a wild roar from an audience. In a poof of smoke a blond fifteen year old appeared in the studio wearing a black coat, black cargo pants and black steel toed combat boots. In his left eyebrow was a gold ring and on his chest were the four suites, spade, club, diamond and heart.

"Welcome, Naruto."

"Thanks, Z." Naruto said as he sat down.

"Um... I'm called Zeno or ZnK. Not Z."

"Fine. It's good to be here, Zeno."

"So, Naruto, how do you like the fact that a goddess has set her eyes on you?" Zeno asked getting a grin from Naruto.

"Well, what do you think? It's great and it sucks." Naruto said making Zeno raise an eyebrow.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's great that a goddess has set her eyes on me, especially Lady Luck, but... what if I piss her off? What will she do then?"

Zeno shuddered. "I don't even want to think about that. That will be the question this time. What do you think a goddess can do if you piss her off? Send your reviews, but for now, let's go to commercial." Zeno said and pushed a button.

Commercial!

Are you tired of having your elder mother or father coming into your family's house to live with you? Do you want them to die with dignity and leave you the hell alone? Then pick up the phone and call us, the Eldernators. Our number is 1800-MURDER THEM. That's 1800-MURDER THEM. We'll come to your home when you're conveniently out for dinner or something. Suddenly you come home and find your mother, father or both on the floor dead. There will be nothing that can trace the murder back to you, so go on, give us a call!

End commercial!

"I don't know why I let them advertise their business on this station... Oh! We're back! I'm here with Uzumaki 'The Gambler' Naruto. So, Naruto, in chapter one of The Gambler, Anko asked you if you'd ever killed before. When did you do that?"

"Well, during my training with the old man, a guy, a Konoha chunnin, decided he'd give 'kill the demon' a shot. He jumped me when I went home one night. We tussled for a while and suddenly I found that I had somehow stabbed him in the heart with one of my kunais. I can't really remember the details."

"That's alright. I just wanted to know when it happened and how in general. I don't really want to know how deep the knife went or anything. Now, in chapter one, you also thought that it was some kind of divine intervention when that deck of cards took the hit for you when you were young. Have you ever asked Lady Luck about that?"

Naruto's eyes widened. "Hey! Why didn't I ever think about asking her about that?!"

"I'll take that as a no." Zeno said and started shuffling through his papers. "Now... No more questions for you..."

"Hey, Zeno. I got a question for you. Why wasn't Shukaku released when Sake smacked him over the head?"

"Well, I think that Shukaku only comes out when Gaara sleeps, not when he loses consciousness, like in Shippuuden, he gets knocked out there and the Shukaku doesn't come out." Zeno said as he searched the studio. "Now where are those papers...? Aw, screw it. We'll just cut to commercial here. Enjoy the ramblings of Jiraiya." he said and put a hand on his chin. "Now where are those damn papers...?"

Commercial!

"Guess what, boys! For this summer, we're going to... Disneyland!" came a mans voice.

The groans of two boys were heard.

"Aw, dad! Disneyland is so old! We want to go to Icha land!" said one of the boys.

"Yeah!" said the other.

"But-"

"Icha land! Icha land! Icha land!" both boys chanted in unison.

Who would ever want to go to Disneyland when they can go to Icha land? It's the theme park that's not just for kids or adults. It's for both!

"Hi! I'm Jiraiya, retired ninja and author of the bestselling Icha Icha series. You know, I made a lot of money writing these books and you people stuck with me. Now I want to give something back to you guys. So come on down to Icha land! We have fun rides and stuff for the kids and a pub and strip joint for the men. What about the women you ask? They have a chance to win the awesome award called 'Icha Icha woman of the month'! So come on down. We are located in Fire country, five miles north of Konoha."

End commercial!

"I still haven't found the papers!" Zeno shouted. "Naruto! Help me!"

Naruto sighed. "Fine..."

"More commercial!"

Commercial!

Club pink! It's the hottest gay bar in the Elemental Countries!

"Hi, I'm Orochimaru. Are you lonely and in need of companionship? Then come on down to Otogakure and enter-"

Commercial interrupted!

"Oh, hell no!" Zeno shouted as he took out the Club pink disc and torched it. Naruto just sat there with wide eyes as Zeno cleared his throat.

"Hi again! We're back! I'm sitting here with Uzumaki 'The Gambler' Naruto! Our next guest claims himself to be 'the most awesome fighter in history'... Right... Please help me welcome the captain of the eleventh squad, Zaraki Kenpachi!" he announced and pressed the 'Wild audience roar' button again.

A man with long, spiky, black hair with bells at the end of the spikes, a scarred face wearing a black kimono with a tattered white coat over it and an eyepatch walked into the studio with a bored expression on his face.

"Greetings, Zaraki-Taicho!" Zeno said with a grin as Kenpachi sat down. A grunt was all he got. Zeno sweatdropped. "Right... On to the questions! Zaraki-Taicho! Rumor has it that you're secretly in love with Unohana-Taicho! Is this true?!"

"Hey, Naruto..." Kenpachi said leaning in towards the bored looking blond. "Why does he bother asking me things when he's the one who writes our stories?" he asked and Naruto shrugged while Zeno fell of the chair with anime tears streaming down his cheeks.

"It's so that others know what to do, what's supposed to be going on here!" Zeno shouted as he got back onto his chair. "Now answer the damn question, lest I kill you off in the next chapter of 'Naruto's New Adventure!'"

Kenpachi sighed. "No. It's not true." he said as Naruto got off his chair.

"Hey, Kenpachi. You wanna go get a drink?"

"Gladly." Kenpachi said and got up. "By the way. I like those card tricks you've came up with." he said as they left the studio, leaving a sulking Zeno behind.

"I was the one who came up with the card tricks... I took it from Gambit from Xmen..." he said quietly. "Well, there's no reason to keep this up since my guests didn't want to stay here..."

"Hey!" a teenage boy with brown hair and a hyperactive posterior shouted as he entered the studio. "You still have me, the great Keigo!"

Zeno sighed. "Nobody likes you, Keigo... I can't do a show with you." he said and leaned towards the mic. "Well, if you want to be a guest, or if you want any of your characters to be a guest, or if you have an answer to todays question, just send me a PM... This is ECTR, signing off..."

Keigo just stood there with wide eyes as Zeno got off the air.

"Nobody... likes me...?"

"No." Zeno said and took out a bottle of whiskey from his vest pocket. "Now get the hell out of my studio! Our popularity is dropping by your very presence!" he said and pushed Keigo out of the studio before sitting down on his chair and staring at his whiskey. "This isn't a very good start to the show, is it, Mr Jack Daniels?"


	2. Chapter 2

Zeno was sleeping in his studio when Gambler Naruto walked in.

"Yo, Zeno!" he said shocking Zeno out of his sleep. "How's the show coming?"

Zeno started sulking.

"Not so good... But I have gotten an answer to the question!" Zeno said and held up a piece of paper, making Naruto's eyes widen.

"Really? What's the answer, then?"

"Ranma Hakubi writes: As for what Lady Luck could do to you, she would probably give you more bad luck than the Legendary Sucker, while giving those competing against you good luck to further tip the scales."

Naruot breathed a sigh of relief. "Then I don't have anything to worry about, do I? I mean, I beat her without any luck at all. I thought she was going to shove a lightning bolt up my ass or something."

"Yeah..." Zeno said and opened another letter. "Oh! It's a letter from Insane Melody! Apparently he wants one of his OCs in this show! It's moving forward!"

"Yeah..." Naruto said and sat down next to Zeno. "But you still need at least one more guest." he said and took out a bottle of sake. "Want to get drunk and beat up Keigo?"

Zeno grinned. "Yeah! That would probably get the ratings up!"

An hour and four sake bottles later.

"I can't believe I drank two bottles of... what's the word I'm looking for?" Zeno asked leaning against his controls while Naruto was relaxing on the floor.

"Um... What's it called again...?" Naruto mumbled with a hand on his chin. Ten seconds later, he snapped his fingers. "Sake!"

"Right! Sake! I can't believe I drank two bottles of sake..." Zeno said as he stood up on wobbly legs before pressing a button on his controls. "Can Keigo please come to Studio 9? Keigo to Studio 9."

Naruto got up with a baseball bat in his hand.

"We're gonna beat him up?"

Zeno rolled his eyes.

"No, I want him as a guest on my show." he said as he took out a baseball bat of his own. "Of course we're gonna beat him up."

They hid the bats behind their backs as soon as Keigo rushed into the room.

"Aha! You've finally come to your senses, huh?!" Keigo shouted with a triumphant grin.

"Yeah." Zeno said with a grin on his face. "Now, I need you to come over here and sign a paper, indicating that I can ask you whatever I want without you getting mad."

"My pleasure!" Keigo said and cockily walked over to Zeno, only to get beaten to the floor.

"Oh, come on, Keigo! You didn't really think I'd ever let you guest star my show, did you?" Zeno asked as he smacked the whimpering Keigo again.

"My turn!" Naruto exclaimed and slammed the baseball bat into Keigo's ribs.

After five minutes of horrible beatings, Naruto looked at Zeno.

"I think we killed him, dude..." he said poking the bloodied and unmoving Keigo. Zeno smiled.

"Don't worry about it. I'm the author. I can revive him. Look." he said and snapped his fingers.

The blood disappeared and all of Keigo's injuries were healed.

"That's great, dude!" Naruto shouted with a wicked grin. "I just thought of something!" he said making Zeno raise an eyebrow. "It's a way for Keigo to be in the show and to keep the guests from getting bored!"

Five minutes later, Keigo had been gagged and chained to a wall in the studio. Naruto stood in front of him with a blindfold covering his eyes and a kunai in his hands.

"I'm going for... the groin." Naruto said and tossed the kunai, hitting the teenager straight in the dangly bits, making him scream a muffled scream while Zeno pressed his 'Wild audience roar' button with a grin on his face.

"This was a great idea, Naruto!" Zeno shouted pointing at the crying Keigo whose groin was healed again after Naruto pulled out the kunai. "A great way to relieve stress and boredom."

Naruto smiled and took out another bottle of sake.

"Let's drink to that." he said and sat down with Zeno in front of him. "By the way, why don't you make it so that the listeners can send in letters to your upcoming guests?"

"Yeah! Why don't I? I'll put it in the commercial in five minutes." Zeno said with a grin and accepted the sake filled saucer.


	3. Chapter 3

"Welcome, everyone, to ECTR! Today we have two special OC guests and a whole new game for everyone!" Zeno shouted with a grin. "First, according to a contract I've signed, I'm supposed to start the show with a commercial..."

Commercial!

What is the life of a boss summon like? Naruto has been chosen to become Kyuubi's predecessor. He takes the place as the boss summon of the Fox clan.

"Hey, Bunta. What's there to do for fun around here?"

"Three things, Naruto, three things. Drinking, gambling and fucking!"

"The three shinobi taboos, huh? Great!"

Watch as Naruto gets a summoner, one who is much like he was at a young age.

"Hey, you bastard fox! I'm your new summoner! You're going to obey my orders and that's final!"

From the author of such fanfics as 'The Gambler' and 'The Cleaner', now comes 'The Grand Summon!'

Coming soon.

End commercial!

"Why have I been forced by someone else to put on a commercial about my own works?" Zeno asked with a sigh. "Anyway! My first guest is an upcoming character in Insane Melody's fic, 'Kitsune Blades.' Please help me welcome, Shouten Nai!" he exclaimed and pushed his 'Wild audience roar' button.

A man who looked to be around seventeen entered the studio. He had and angular face with gray eyes and dark purple hair covering the whole left side of it. He was wearing a dark gray, bordering on black longsleeved shirt along with white vest with black tribal designs, black pants which were wide at the bottom similar to the shape of bells. He also had a pair of headphones placed around his neck. Underneath his clothing were several tattoos linked with different kanji stating songs and such.

"Welcome, Shouten!"

"Thank you." Shouten said calmly as he sat down making Zeno sweatdrop.

"What, no 'Thanks, it's great to be here Zeno-sama?'"

"No." Shouten said making Zeno sweatdrop once again.

"Anyway, on to the questions. First question! How old are you?"

"That's for me to know." Shouten said making Zeno sigh.

"Well, how about giving us a hint?"

Shouten stared at Zeno for a while before saying one word.

"Hell."

"Hell?"

"Hell. That's the hint I'm going to give you."

"Okay... Moving on... You're a Kumo missing-nin, right?"

"Yes." Shouten said with a nod.

"Then, why did you leave Kumo?"

"I left Kumo for several reasons but there were two that played a vital role. First: The Raikage had deemed me 'dangerous', using his own words, as I was stronger than a kage due to my bloodline. The Raikage wasn't ready to give up his position and went off to destroy me. The Raikage however failed. He made an act of saying that I was a traitor and planned to destroy Kumo." Shouten said with a sigh. "The rest is history. Second reason: There was one other reason and that was the massacre of the Nai clan similar to the Uchihas' for reasons completely unknown."

"Even to you?" Zeno asked getting a nod from Shouten.

"Even to me."

"I see..." Zeno said and started shuffling through his papers. Next question... What are your elemental affinities?"

"My affinities are fire, wind and darkness."

"Darkness?" Zeno asked with wide eyes. "How the hell could you get that?"

"The Nai clan, my clan, dabbled in a hidden art of Fuuinjutsu, the art of sealing. They had found a way to obtain a bloodline which would be given by Shinigami. They summoned him and they proposed. They, the Nai clan, would present several virgin souls to the Shinigami for a bloodline in exchange. He accepted, but would only give it to one who had no taint on their soul, as the bloodline would either corrupt or destroy the soul. Once the amount of souls were achieved, they had decided on the newborn heir, me. The ritual took hours to complete. The bloodline was too powerful and dark for me and so, Shinigami gave me darkness to help control subdue it until I was ready." Shouten said making Zeno go wide eyed. "Quite fascinating, isn't it?"

"Yeah. I didn't know you could speak that many sentences in a row." Zeno said making Shouten sweatdrop.

"I meant the way I got my bloodline."

"Yeah, that was fascinating too." Zeno said scratching the back of his head, not really having listened to the answer. "By the way, what is your bloodline?"

"A secret." Shouten said making Zeno sigh.

"Again with the short sentences... Last question... What will your relationship with Naruto be in Kitsune Blades?"

"We will be enemies, though I don't know if it'll last... Naruto-san seems to have a special gift in turning people around..."

"True." Zeno said with a smile and clapped his hands together. "Now, I hope you'll feel very honored now! You'll be the first guest to participate in a little game I'd like to call 'How badly can you hurt Keigo?!'" he shouted and gestured for the frightened teenager hanging on the wall. "Now, Shouten! You may hurt him in any way you like. I can just revive him!"

Shouten got up and walked over to Keigo, staring the boy in the eyes. He smirked. A very evil smirk that made Keigo want to piss his pants.

"This will hurt. This will hurt a lot." he said and jammed a kunai into each of Keigo's kneecaps.

"What?!" Zeno shouted. "That's it?!"

"No, Zeno-san. That was just the beginning." Shouten said as he walked over to Zeno before creating a Kage Bunshin who started going through some handseals. The real Shouten went through some different handseals that made Zeno take cover under the control table.

"Shouten is getting ready... He has just created a Kage Bunshin and I believe they are about to use some kind of fusion technique. I'd hate to be in Keigo's shoes right now..."

Both Shoutens finished their handseals and the same time.

"Fuuton: Daitoppa!" the Kage Bunshin called and sent out an extremely strong gust of wind towards Keigo while the real Shouten took a deep breath.

"Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu!" he called and blew a huge fire ball that mixed with the gust, making it even bigger, hotter and hell of a lot more deadly, blowing a hole through the wall, completely disintegrating Keigo.

"Yes! Shouten completely vanquished Keigo with a successful Goukakyuu/Daitoppa fusion! God, I'd hate to be in Keigo's nonexistent shoes right now!" Zeno exclaimed with a grin as Shouten got back on his chair while Zeno sat back down on his. "Well, Shouten." he said as the studio repaired itself and Keigo appeared on the wall again. "I'll give a ten for the Gore, a ten for the pain, a zero for Discreteness and a ten for the Chaos! That's perfect, just how I like it! Thank you for joining us here today, Shouten."

"It was my pleasure." Shouten said with a bow of his head and a satisfied smile on his face.

"Now! We'll cut to commercial again before introducing our next guest!"

Commercial!

A terrible beast has been awoken. King Naruto provoked it himself... A war is about to begin.

"This is madness!"

A war whose like has never been seen...

"Madness?"

Fifty soldiers go to war... Will they come back? Who knows?

A King... From a warrior race said to be descended from Hercules himself...

"This is Sparta!"

Spartans... Or rather, New Spartans...

New Sparta. Out now on FanFiction . net.

End commercial!

"We're back! If you would like to advertise your fics or upcoming fics, please send me a PM!" Zeno said with a grin. "Now, our next guest is from Seungmin's fic, 'Naruto: The Kageken Specialist.' Straight from the world of happy sun rays and beautiful flowers, please welcome Nao Gizen Nao!" he exclaimed and was about to press his special button when he suddenly looked down at his papers again. "Nao Gizen Nao? What the hell is this?!"

A happy giggle was heard as a boy entered the studio. The boy looked like he was insane. His hair was a mess but it somehow looked good on him. His eyes were covered by his headband and his T-shirt was formed from one of those asylum pairs complete with the extra long sleeves, a straitjacket.

"I'm sorry, Zeno-kun... I forgot were to put the Nao..." Gizen said and giggled again. "So I put it on both sides..."

"Right..." Zeno said and pushed a button that made a sound that sounded like one of those birds that come out of those old clocks. A coo coo bird. "Please have a seat, Gizen."

"Alright." Gizen said and sat down to Shouten who stared at the boy with a raised eyebrow.

"Now, Gizen... How old are you?" Zeno asked looking at his papers.

"Fourteen..." Gizen said and giggled that psychopathic giggle again when Zeno nodded. "Minus a half..." he said making Naruto sweatdrop.

"Wouldn't it have been easier to say thirteen and a half?"

"Probably..."

"I see... Next question then... What's your favorite color?"

"White... It can be stained by anything..." Gizen said and giggled again, seriously freaking Zeno out. "Like blood..."

"You're a complete nut job!" Shouten shouted making Zeno go wide eyed. "I can't stay in here any longer!" he shouted and left the studio. From outside, his shouts could be heard once again. "And what the hell are these things?! How the hell could he bring them here?! What kind of a sick freak is he?!"

Zeno stared at the door for a while before looking back at Gizen who was about to break out into full maniacal laughter.

"What exactly did you bring?"

"Oh, heh, heh... That's a surprise for when it's my turn to play with Keigo..." Gizen said making Zeno grin.

"I definitely like you. Next question! How could your father handle your... psychotic nature?"

"Well," Gizen said with a grin and held up his arms. "I'm not just wearing this for show... And some shock therapy helped a little..."

"Some?"

"It means a lot." Gizen said with a mad giggle. "Any more questions for me, Zeno-chan?" he asked making Zeno's eye twitch.

"No... It's now time for you to play 'How badly can you hurt Keigo?!'"

"Great!" Gizen exclaimed and rushed out of the studio. He came back dragging an-

"Electric chair?" Zeno asked with a raised eyebrow getting a nod from Gizen.

"I don't want to waste my chakra on Raiton jutsus, Zeno-kun... And I also brought a straitjacket and some blood red lipstick!"

"Now this I wanna see." Zeno said with a grin as Gizen got Keigo out of the chains and into the straijacket.

Gizen giggled madly as he put lipstick on Keigo and wrote Jackass in his forehead.

"Zeno-kun..." Gizen said as he led Keigo to the electric chair. "Do you mind helping me?"

"How?"

"Please plug in the chair while I help Keigo get... comfortable, heh, heh..."

Zeno got off his chair and plugged the electric chair into the wall while Gizen shackled Keigo's legs and neck, stopping him from making any escape attempt.

"The shackles for the arms, legs and neck are really just there to stop people from escaping." Gizen said and help up a helmet that was connected to the chair. "All you really need is this little helper." he said as he strapped the head piece securely on Keigo's head.

"Um... Gizen..." Zeno said as he once again sat in his chair. "Aren't you supposed to have a wet sponge in between there?"

Gizen was now giggling madly, not seeming to be able to stop himself.

"Now, now, Zeno-chan... What fun would it be then?"

Zeno shrugged. "It's your call... Begin when ready, Gizen."

Gizen pulled the lever on the side of the chair, sending thousands upon thousands of volts straight though Keigo's body.

"Keigo is shaking as the electricity is surging through his body." Zeno commented with a grin. "He's turning red. Gizen is giggling... can it turn into a full blown laughter? There! Yep. Maniacal laughter is the best kind of laugh. Oh, look! Keigo's fingers have caught fire! The fire is spreading... up his arms... Holy shit!" he shouted as the whole Keigo suddenly started burning violently. "I didn't know those school uniforms were that flammable... or maybe it was the straitjacket..."

Gizen turned off the chair with a wicked grin on his face. Keigo was now just a skeleton. A black skeleton with chunks of burnt flesh still hanging from some parts.

"Well..." Gizen said with another giggle. "That hurt him more than I expected..."

"It was good nonetheless." Zeno said with a grin. "Well, that's all the time we had! I'm proud to have seen these brutal displays of killing someone. I wold like to thank Shouten and Gizen for agreeing to join us here today. I say again: If you want to advertise your fics, just send me a PM. This is ZenoNoKyuui, with ECTR, signing off."


End file.
